When we lost the girls, our family was right there by our side. Some of them stayed at the hospital with us, some of them brought meals and gifts over, some of them spent hours sitting on the couch with me as I tried to process everything that happened. They celebrated the news of our pregnancies and showered us with love and gifts for the boys. Our first days home with the boys, they brought meals over and they even took a few night shifts when I was down and out with mastitis! There are not many people I know that would willingly wake up every 3 hours in order to let me rest! They have been such a great support through it all and we are so thankful to have been blessed by all of them.
Our family was not alone in being an amazing support for us. In the days after the girls passed away, we received hundreds of cards, emails, and phone calls from friends. Our house was filled with the smell of fresh flowers and our kitchen was stocked full of meals. I specifically remember one night about a month after we lost them that I was really struggling. We had no food in the house, I was scared to go to the grocery in fear of running into someone and having to talk about "it" and I was just so, so tired. A friend emailed me and asked if there was anything she could do for me that day. Reluctantly, I said a meal would be great. By 6:00 she delivered a hot meal, a bouquet of sunflowers and she even had a gift for us. What a blessing that was! It was very humbling for me because I don't like to ask for help very often. But, it proved to me the importance of good friends in life. We are so thankful for everyone who has stood by our side, cried with us, prayed with us and celebrated new life with us.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
give thanks..
For the month of November, I have been posting things on Facebook that I am thankful for. I think it is a wonderful idea for us to take a minute, look around and realize how blessed we are. So, I decided to carry this idea over to my blog as I know that too often life gets busy and I forget to take time to appreciate all the blessings in my life.
Today I am thankful for my faith. I did not grow up a religious person. I wasn't baptized until I was much older - I was seven I think. I went to church for a few years after that but then had a bad experience and we never really went back unless it was a holiday. I attended a religious college but only went to Chapel a handful of times. It really wasn't until I graduated college and struggled to find my place in the world that I finally decided to give church another chance. Then I met J. He inspired me to want to know more and experience more with God as a priority in my life. So, as my relationship with J grew, I found my faith growing as well.
After we were married, we found a church that we both loved and we joined a life group (a group from our church that we "do life" together with).
Over the next few years, I found myself clinging to my growing faith as we struggled with infertility. When we lost the girls, I had the choice to blame God or to turn to Him for strength. I chose to turn to Him. Yes, I was angry. There were many times that I yelled at Him, but in the end, I feel like my faith is one of the main reasons I survived that first year so well. I clung to Bible verses and encouraging devotions and prayed like crazy for God to give me the strength to get through the day.
Now, I look down at this beautiful baby boy curled up on my chest and I praise God. I praise Him for giving me HOPE, I praise Him for the strength He gave me to get through some seriously tough times, and I praise Him for never leaving my side even when I yelled really loud.
Faith is such a priority in my life now that I can honestly say I don't know who I would be without it.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Friday, November 18, 2011
One Month
Ashton Nowell-
I can hardly believe it, but you are one month old today! The last month with you has been full of some challenges as we learned how to balance life as a family of four, as we dealt with some unexpected health issues and as we got back into the swing of life with a lot less sleep! We wouldn't change it for the world though! We love you so much and are so thankful to have you in our lives. This is what you have been up to in your first month of life...
*you eat 3 ounces every 2-3 hours
*yes, that means that you are still up every 2-3 hours at night! We were hoping you would be a better sleeper than your brother, but that is not the case. We have tried everything to get you to sleep for longer periods, but you want nothing to do with them
*you love to take baths. You don't enjoy getting out of course!
*you still look so much like your momma. We think you will have your daddy's blue eyes, but otherwise you are a definite momma's boy!
*you are wearing newborn size clothes and diapers
*just this last week you have started looking around and becoming more aware of your surroundings. You
follow us with your eyes and you keep eye contact with us a lot more now.
*you smile a lot in your sleep
*you like to kick and punch your little fists in the air and have just started to reach out for things like our face when we hold you close.
*you are a great little brother and put up with a lot from Grant. I am thinking that I may have prayed a little too hard that Grant would like you because he likes you so much that I can barely leave the room without Grant trying to touch you, pick you up or my personal favorite- sit on you! He literally says "I take it" when he tries to pick you up and "I sit on it" when he of course thinks it would be nice of him to sit on you!
*you have started to make little cooing sounds which are SO CUTE!
*you came down with a really nasty case of baby acne about a week ago. Even the dr thought it was one of the worst he had seen. We are hoping it clears up soon because we want to take our Christmas pictures!
*you LOVE to cuddle and will gladly curl up on the chest of anyone willing to sit for hours on end and cuddle with you.
We love you so much and can't wait to see what the next month of your life brings!
I can hardly believe it, but you are one month old today! The last month with you has been full of some challenges as we learned how to balance life as a family of four, as we dealt with some unexpected health issues and as we got back into the swing of life with a lot less sleep! We wouldn't change it for the world though! We love you so much and are so thankful to have you in our lives. This is what you have been up to in your first month of life...
*you eat 3 ounces every 2-3 hours
*yes, that means that you are still up every 2-3 hours at night! We were hoping you would be a better sleeper than your brother, but that is not the case. We have tried everything to get you to sleep for longer periods, but you want nothing to do with them
*you love to take baths. You don't enjoy getting out of course!
*you still look so much like your momma. We think you will have your daddy's blue eyes, but otherwise you are a definite momma's boy!
*you are wearing newborn size clothes and diapers
*just this last week you have started looking around and becoming more aware of your surroundings. You
follow us with your eyes and you keep eye contact with us a lot more now.
*you smile a lot in your sleep
*you like to kick and punch your little fists in the air and have just started to reach out for things like our face when we hold you close.
 |
| We anticipate that you will learn to punch more than just the air soon! |
*you are a great little brother and put up with a lot from Grant. I am thinking that I may have prayed a little too hard that Grant would like you because he likes you so much that I can barely leave the room without Grant trying to touch you, pick you up or my personal favorite- sit on you! He literally says "I take it" when he tries to pick you up and "I sit on it" when he of course thinks it would be nice of him to sit on you!
 |
| Grant thought you needed a ball and a pear in order to take a nap on this day! |
*you have started to make little cooing sounds which are SO CUTE!
*you came down with a really nasty case of baby acne about a week ago. Even the dr thought it was one of the worst he had seen. We are hoping it clears up soon because we want to take our Christmas pictures!
*you LOVE to cuddle and will gladly curl up on the chest of anyone willing to sit for hours on end and cuddle with you.
We love you so much and can't wait to see what the next month of your life brings!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I have just recently become addicted to Pinterest. It is not that I really have the time for this addiction, but I have found that it is a nice distraction when I get a few minutes to myself. And it doesn't require much thought which is what I need right now!
The other day I was searching for some ideas for Christmas crafts and this popped up on my screen. It was definitely not what I was searching for but it spoke to me and I just had to share it with all of you.
Infant loss is nature's cruelest practical joke. It's investing all of the required time and effort into pregnancy, only to be robbed of the result. It's cradling a body that grew within your own and trying to reconcile the cold, lifeless form in your arms with your memory of the baby who turned double flips in your womb.
It's worrying that you'll forget what your child looked like and snapping an album's worth of photos that no one will ever ask to see. It's sobbing so hard you can't breathe and wondering if it's possible to cry yourself to death.
Infant loss is handing off a Moses basket to the nurse who's drawn the unfortunate duty of delivering your pride and joy to the morgue and walking out of a hospital with empty arms.
It's boxing up brand new baby clothes and buying a 24-inch casket. It's sifting through sympathy cards, willing your foolish body to stop lactating, clutching your baby's blanket to your chest in hopes of soothing the piercing ache in your heart.
It's resisting the urge to smack the clueless individuals who compare your situation to the death of their dog or who tell you you'll have another baby, as if children are somehow replaceable.
Infant loss is explaining to your 7-year-old that sometimes babies die and being stumped into silence when she asks you why. It's watching other families live out your happy ending and fighting a fresh round of grief with every milestone you miss.
It's being shut out of play groups for perpetuity. It's skipping social events with expectant and newly minted mothers because, as a walking worst-case scenario, you don't want to put a damper on the party.
It's listening to other women gripe about motherhood and realizing that you no longer relate to their petty parental complaints because, frankly, when you've buried a baby, a sleepless night with a vomiting toddler sounds something like a gift.
Infant loss is pruning from your life the friends and relatives who ignore or minimize your loss. It's recognizing that, while they may not mean to be hurtful, the fact that they don't know any better doesn't make their utter lack of empathy one whit easier to bear.
My baby girl would have been 5 years old this month. I don't know what she'd look like, what her favorite food would be. I've never had the privilege of tucking her into bed, taking her to the zoo or kissing her boo-boos. I will never watch her graduate or walk down the aisle.
Infant loss is more than an empty cradle. It's a life sentence.
Laura Schubert of New Berlin is a mother, teacher and two-time breast cancer survivor. Email ljschubert@aol.com
The other day I was searching for some ideas for Christmas crafts and this popped up on my screen. It was definitely not what I was searching for but it spoke to me and I just had to share it with all of you.
Infant loss is nature's cruelest practical joke. It's investing all of the required time and effort into pregnancy, only to be robbed of the result. It's cradling a body that grew within your own and trying to reconcile the cold, lifeless form in your arms with your memory of the baby who turned double flips in your womb.
It's worrying that you'll forget what your child looked like and snapping an album's worth of photos that no one will ever ask to see. It's sobbing so hard you can't breathe and wondering if it's possible to cry yourself to death.
Infant loss is handing off a Moses basket to the nurse who's drawn the unfortunate duty of delivering your pride and joy to the morgue and walking out of a hospital with empty arms.
It's boxing up brand new baby clothes and buying a 24-inch casket. It's sifting through sympathy cards, willing your foolish body to stop lactating, clutching your baby's blanket to your chest in hopes of soothing the piercing ache in your heart.
It's resisting the urge to smack the clueless individuals who compare your situation to the death of their dog or who tell you you'll have another baby, as if children are somehow replaceable.
Infant loss is explaining to your 7-year-old that sometimes babies die and being stumped into silence when she asks you why. It's watching other families live out your happy ending and fighting a fresh round of grief with every milestone you miss.
It's being shut out of play groups for perpetuity. It's skipping social events with expectant and newly minted mothers because, as a walking worst-case scenario, you don't want to put a damper on the party.
It's listening to other women gripe about motherhood and realizing that you no longer relate to their petty parental complaints because, frankly, when you've buried a baby, a sleepless night with a vomiting toddler sounds something like a gift.
Infant loss is pruning from your life the friends and relatives who ignore or minimize your loss. It's recognizing that, while they may not mean to be hurtful, the fact that they don't know any better doesn't make their utter lack of empathy one whit easier to bear.
My baby girl would have been 5 years old this month. I don't know what she'd look like, what her favorite food would be. I've never had the privilege of tucking her into bed, taking her to the zoo or kissing her boo-boos. I will never watch her graduate or walk down the aisle.
Infant loss is more than an empty cradle. It's a life sentence.
Laura Schubert of New Berlin is a mother, teacher and two-time breast cancer survivor. Email ljschubert@aol.com
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sorry I have been neglecting the blog lately. However, I have been very busy with this little blessing...
I can hardly believe that Ashton is 3 weeks old already. The time is going by way too fast. We decided long ago that this would be our last child so I am just trying to take in every second of infant cuddles I can because I know how fast this time will go.
Ashton is doing well. We suspect he has a little reflux and we started him on a med last week. So far he hasn't had any more projectile vomiting, but he is still really fussy after eating. So, that is a concern for our drs appt this week. He is waking up every 3 hours at night and seems to be growing like a weed- his newborn clothes are already getting too short for him!
Grant is adapting so much better than I ever expected. Almost too good if you ask me! He wants to help and love on his brother so much that it has caused me to not be able to leave the boys alone together. Example.... the other day I went to the bathroom and Grant came running in saying,"I did it mom, I did it." Freaked out, as any mother of a 2 year old should be, I ran into the living room to see that Grant had moved Ashton from the floor underneath his activity mat into the bouncy seat. Now, I have no idea how he picked him up and I want to leave it that way! So, needless to say I can no longer go to the bathroom without taking a child with me. I know that he was just trying to help, but it totally freaked me out! Since then, Grant has gone up to Ashton numerous times while he is crying and tried to pick him up saying, "I get it, mom." I am hoping that this stage ends quickly because having to watch Grant like a hawk is extremely exhausting!
Although I am totally sleep deprived and most often ready to pass out by 8 p.m. every night, I am so happy! I think back to the days of infertility and then after we lost the girls when I wondered if we would ever have one child. I just feel so blessed to have two healthy boys cuddling in my arms every night!
Ashton's birth announcement. Not sure why it is showing up in the 2 page format here, but it is nap time for me and I don't have time or energy to figure it out!
I can hardly believe that Ashton is 3 weeks old already. The time is going by way too fast. We decided long ago that this would be our last child so I am just trying to take in every second of infant cuddles I can because I know how fast this time will go.
Ashton is doing well. We suspect he has a little reflux and we started him on a med last week. So far he hasn't had any more projectile vomiting, but he is still really fussy after eating. So, that is a concern for our drs appt this week. He is waking up every 3 hours at night and seems to be growing like a weed- his newborn clothes are already getting too short for him!
Grant is adapting so much better than I ever expected. Almost too good if you ask me! He wants to help and love on his brother so much that it has caused me to not be able to leave the boys alone together. Example.... the other day I went to the bathroom and Grant came running in saying,"I did it mom, I did it." Freaked out, as any mother of a 2 year old should be, I ran into the living room to see that Grant had moved Ashton from the floor underneath his activity mat into the bouncy seat. Now, I have no idea how he picked him up and I want to leave it that way! So, needless to say I can no longer go to the bathroom without taking a child with me. I know that he was just trying to help, but it totally freaked me out! Since then, Grant has gone up to Ashton numerous times while he is crying and tried to pick him up saying, "I get it, mom." I am hoping that this stage ends quickly because having to watch Grant like a hawk is extremely exhausting!
Although I am totally sleep deprived and most often ready to pass out by 8 p.m. every night, I am so happy! I think back to the days of infertility and then after we lost the girls when I wondered if we would ever have one child. I just feel so blessed to have two healthy boys cuddling in my arms every night!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween
Grant was so excited for Halloween this year! He had an adorable White Tiger costume that he actually loved to wear. That, combined with his love of candy, made for an fun filled Halloween!
On Saturday we dressed up the boys and headed downtown to the local baby and kids store. They were having trick or treating and they offered up gift certificates for everyone that dressed up. I couldn't pass up that opportunity! Grant chose this Trucks and Diggers book as his gift for the day. Trucks are his new obsession, so needless to say, we read this book a lot!
On Monday I took Grant around the block to do some trick or treating while Ashton stayed inside the warm house in his little pumpkin costume. Grant said' "trick or treat" whenever he went to a door- it was so cute that I had to get it on camera! Click on the link below for a quick video of his trick or treat. Sorry it is sideways-I haven't had the time to figure out how to make it right!
http://youtu.be/72_KUmeH5iU
Hope you all had a wonderful night with your little trick or treaters!
On Saturday we dressed up the boys and headed downtown to the local baby and kids store. They were having trick or treating and they offered up gift certificates for everyone that dressed up. I couldn't pass up that opportunity! Grant chose this Trucks and Diggers book as his gift for the day. Trucks are his new obsession, so needless to say, we read this book a lot!
On Monday I took Grant around the block to do some trick or treating while Ashton stayed inside the warm house in his little pumpkin costume. Grant said' "trick or treat" whenever he went to a door- it was so cute that I had to get it on camera! Click on the link below for a quick video of his trick or treat. Sorry it is sideways-I haven't had the time to figure out how to make it right!
http://youtu.be/72_KUmeH5iU
Hope you all had a wonderful night with your little trick or treaters!
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