Thank you to everyone who has said a prayer for me this last week.  I don't know if it is just getting my feelings out on "paper" or that there are that many people out there lifting me up in prayer, but I definitely feel more at peace.  I am still a little on edge as I approach this week and I could definitely tell that my pregnancy hormones are working overtime as I pretty much cried during our entire church service this morning.  It didn't help that they played beautiful songs that tore at my heart- those always get me going! Today, we had a speaker that talked about the unconditional love that the Father shows to us and  how we must in turn show that love to others.  It reminded me of all of you out there (most of whom I will never know) that have shown us so much love over the last three years.  You lift us up in prayer whenever we need it, you made us meals when we couldn't imagine having to cook, you sent cards, emails, gifts and most importantly, you continue to show us how much you love us by remembering our girls with kind words and flowers on their birthdays.  I can only hope that I can show all of you that much love in return!


On Tuesday I will be 23 weeks pregnant. Three years ago, my water broke when I was 23 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I look forward to the END of the week ahead when I can say I am more pregnant than I was with the girls.  That is always a first milestone for me and helps me to calm down at least a little.  Today, I thank God for all the little kicks of reassurance that baby boy is giving me and most of all, I thank God for all of you!

Here is a little walk down memory lane...



22 weeks pregnant with Brooke and Alexcyn....

21 weeks pregnant with Grant....

22 weeks pregnant with baby boy #2...

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

 

I am trying hard to remember that God is in control of this pregnancy,  My anxiety level has been extremely high lately.  I know that it is because we are approaching week 23 and that is when my water broke with the girls.  Everyone tells me not to worry since I had a perfectly fine pregnancy with Grant, but I know better.  I know one good pregnancy does not guarantee another and so I worry.  Every little feeling or lack of movement makes me worry.  Every Wednesday night as J heads to golf and I lay on the couch, I replay July 16, 2008 over in my head and then I worry.  Unfortunately, I will never get the chance to have a care free pregnancy and that makes me sad.  I just wish I could enjoy all of this and stop worrying so much! 

Happy Father's Day dada.  I love you so much and couldn't have asked for a better dada! ~ love, grant

Kristi

The last four and a half years I have been praying for a very special person; Kristi Rogalske.  At that time, all I knew was that she was a member of our church. she was my age and she had been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer.  Over the years, I got to know her mainly through her blog. I took meals to her family when she was going through treatments and after we lost the girls, she was a great support to me on how to get through the dark days.  Her words echoed many of my feelings and her honesty on her daily struggle to trust God and deny the devil was so familiar to me.  Over the last four and a half years, I have prayed for healing for Kristi, I have praised God when she was in remission and then I prayed again for healing and a complete miracle to take over her body as her cancer returned.  The last couple weeks, my prayers took a drastic turn as Kristi made the decision to stop treatment and her body quickly started letting go.  The last couple days, I found myself praying for God to take her home and save her from all the pain.  Tomorrow, I will attend the funeral of an amazing woman who inspired me so much through her own struggle, a woman who had the courage to SHINE through all the nasty side effects of cancer and a woman who made me believe that I would survive losing my daughters.

Kristi's death has reminded me that material things don't matter at all, it is the impact you make on a person's life that will be remembered.  Kristi's impact on me will never be forgotten! 

Ultrasound

I was really disappointed when I looked at our ultrasound pictures this time around.  I was so spoiled by being considered high risk last time.  It is hard to go back to just black and white after getting 4D ultrasounds every 2 weeks!  And, they don't put them on a disk like they do at the MFM, so these pics are scanned in and the quality is not the best.  AND, she didn't even give us a picture of the baby's boy parts which I was really hoping for!  Oh well, got the call this morning that everything looked good so I guess that is all that matters.  Here is our little baby boy...

top pic is of his arm and bottom is his profile

j + k + 2 girls + 2 boys!

It appears that I was totally wrong about this baby being a girl, because it is definitely A BOY!  We are praising God for a good ultrasound.  At least, everything looked good from our perspective. We are still waiting for final word from my dr who is on vacation until next week. Our scanner is broken at home so I will try to get a few pics scanned in at work tomorrow so you can see Grant's baby brother.  He was quite the wiggle worm during the ultrasound so I think I am going to have to start taking energy pills now so I can keep up with two very active little boys!!!

On another note, we are completely clueless for names.  We are very open to suggestions if you have any!

May Recipe

I can definitely say that the only thing I want to eat this pregnancy is sweets!  I bought the supplies to make these brownies for a friend that had surgery and could hardly stand to have them in the cabinet.  I actually made them 2 days earlier than I was supposed to just because I HAD to have them!  They were amazing.  The only substitution I made was I used marshmallow fluff instead of vanilla frosting- it seemed like the frosting might be a little too much and the fluff just made it nice and light.   I am thinking next time I might try using less peanut butter and adding in butterscotch chips to the chocolate- doesn't that sound delicious???


Brownie Goody Bars from Betty Crocker website



1 box (1 lb 2.4 oz) Betty Crocker® Original Supreme Premium brownie mix

Water, vegetable oil and egg called for on brownie mix box

1 cup Betty Crocker® Rich & Creamy vanilla frosting (from 16 oz container)

1/2 cup salted peanuts, coarsely chopped

2 cups crisp rice cereal

2/3 cup creamy peanut butter

1 1/3 cups (8 oz) semisweet chocolate chips


1.Heat oven to 350°F (325°F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease bottom only of 9-inch square pan with cooking spray or shortening. (For easier cutting, line pan with foil, then grease foil on bottom only of pan.)

2.Make and bake brownies as directed on box. Cool completely.

3.Frost brownies with frosting. Sprinkle with peanuts; refrigerate while making cereal mixture.

4.Measure cereal into medium bowl; set aside. In 1-quart saucepan, melt peanut butter and chocolate chips over low heat, stirring constantly. Pour over cereal in bowl, stirring until evenly coated. Spread over frosted brownies. Refrigerate 1 hour or until set before cutting. For bars, cut into 4 rows by 4 rows. Store tightly covered at room temperature or in refrigerator.

Makes 16 bars