OB Appt

I had an OB appt this morning and I am happy to report that all is well. Dr G was thrilled that the spotting had stopped and that the week off helped me. She could tell instantly that I looked so much better than the last time I was there. I got to hear the heartbeat with the doppler instead of going in for an ultrasound. Kinda sad because I love seeing the little peanut, but I was just happy to hear that sound. It was pretty fast and Dr G asked me if I kept my girl things. I told her I did , but it didn't matter, I am convinced this baby is a boy! We will just have to wait until June 5 to find out...

I go back in 2 weeks. She said we will probably keep up the 2 week appts just for peace of mind. I was very happy to hear that! On another note, the morning sickness was pretty bad earlier this week, but has subsided for now. I am hoping it is gone for good, but I know better! And, my belly is growing! Dr G said that with the 2nd pregnancy you usually pop faster and I totally believe it. Luckily for me, I am only a month off my last pregnancy, so all of my maternity clothes will be for the right season. I am pretty excited about that because I was so sad to pack those up. There were so many cute outfits that I didn't get to wear. I am excited for the day that the rubermaid bin comes back out of the storage closet!

One year ago....

It was one year ago today that we heard those now famous words, "Oh, I almost missed this one!" Yes, it was March 21, 2008 that we heard not one, but two amazing little heartbeats. I will never forget the shock, the anxiety and the excitement we had while sitting in that consultation room. The ride home was very quiet as we both tried to take it all in. We were both trying to prepare ourselves if there was no heartbeat, we never even considered what we would do if we heard two!!!! After a while, the shock and fear of it all wore down and our excitement shone through- we were going to be blessed with two babies. How lucky were we???




It was Easter 2 days later when we made the announcement to the family. We gave our niece an Easter basket with 2 picture frames of the babies that said cousin on them. Of course, she was too young to understand what it was and all she wanted was the candy in the Easter basket. But the in laws knew and they were crying instantly. My parents live about 2 hours away and they were out of town for the weekend, so we drove to their house the day before and put baby things all over their house and then put a picture frame that said For These Babies I Have Prayed. The minute they got home, they called in tears. The funny part was they didn't realize we put baby stuff all over the house, so it took them days to find all the bottles, little socks, pacifiers, etc...


I think back on those days and I just have so much happiness in my heart. We had waited 3 long years to be able to make a pregnancy announcement. We were so happy. Now, here we are, pregnant again and this time it is so different. No big announcements this time- there is too much fear. No excitement for all that is to be because we know better. No waiting anxiously for 12 weeks so we are "in the clear"- we know anything can happen at anytime. This is not to say that we aren't happy to be pregnant again. Trust me, we are thrilled. It is just different this time.



I also want to add that just because we are pregnant again does not mean that we are replacing Brooke and Alexcyn or trying to forget them in any way. We still think of them everyday and miss them so much and hope and pray that they are up in heaven looking down and protecting their little brother or sister.

***Update- I have put links to the blogs and care page of three of these families in case you are interested in following their stories. Just click on the grey words and they should take you to the sites. Also, thanks for all of the prayers. I am feeling much better today.***


Today I am sad. It is not because of something going on with me, but events happening in other people's lives around me that are affecting me so much this week.

A couple weeks ago, Jason's cousin gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Reece. A few days after being at the hospital, the drs found an infection in his intestines. They performed surgery and so far he is doing really well in recovery. Reece will need to stay there for about 6 weeks and then have another surgery to repair his intestines and then hopefully come home. He is in the same NICU area that Alexcyn was in- this has been difficult for me to think about and as much as I would love to visit, I just can't bring myself to go back there.

A friend of mine also had a beautiful baby boy a few weeks ago named London. Soon after birth, they realized that London had a dermal sinus tract- a form of spina bifida. He had a major surgery to remove this and it was successful. But now they are just waiting to find out if any nerves were damaged during the surgery. London is also at DV Hospital- maybe he is keeping Reece company...

A few weeks ago I started following the story of a woman who was pregnant with sextuplets. She went into pre-term labor somewhere around 20-23 weeks (I can't quite figure it out) and sadly, she lost all of the babies. It happened over a couple days and she gave birth to Baby A one day and then Baby B another. Eventually, she gave birth to all four of the remaining babies. None of them survived. This story is so close- it just breaks my heart.

And lastly, I mentioned Rich Elling in a previous post. He was the gentleman that gave the prayer pager to us over the summer and then last week when he discovered his cancer had come back, we gave the pager back to him. Sadly, he passed away early this morning. There are no words. His daughter and son in law are in our life group and although we never knew Rich personally, we knew what an amazing impact he had on so many lives in our church. He will be greatly missed.

So, as you can tell, I have a lot on my heart these days. Not to mention I am an emotional mess because of all the hormones the drs have me on! So, today I ask for prayers for all of these families that are dealing with loss, grief, confusion, and saddness.

Thanks

You guys are amazing! The verses you left for me were all so perfect. I have read them every day and can say that they have really helped me stay focused on God and not let the negative "what could happen" thoughts get into my head. And, I have a Praise God moment....the spotting has stopped!!!! Now, I hesitate saying that because usually when I thought it was stopping, it would just surprise me again. But I really think it is gone for good this time. I can't even tell you how relieved I am. Although, I think it is evidenced by my blood pressure which has gone down dramatically since Friday. Unless, that is down because I haven't been at work all week..... who knows! Even my morning sickness has left for the most part. Anyways, I am feeling so much more confident about this pregnancy and this baby (boy, according to J) that is growing inside me. I can't thank you all enough for walking through this last week with me- your thoughts and prayers have meant so much, thank you, thank you, thank you!

24 Hours

It always amazes me how things can change so fast. It was 24 hours ago that I was sitting here really excited and thrilled that we had a great MFM (maternal fetal medicine) appt. Less than two hours after I posted, the spotting started again and was much worse than it had ever been. The drs always tell you to not get concerned until it turns a certain color- well, it was that color. I was such a mess. I was frustrated, angry, sad, confused, you name it, I felt it. I met Jason at the door with tears in my eyes because I was just exhausted from all of these ups and downs. We had our life group meeting at night, and I really wasn't feeling up to going, but knew I should and I was so glad I did. We are so blessed to have amazing people in our group that care so much for us and this baby. They prayed over us and reminded us to keep our trust in God and to not let the devil take over our thoughts. It was an amazing, humbling experience and I walked out of there with so much more confidence than I walked in with.

Fast forward to this morning. I had called yesterday to schedule my first appt with my OB (Dr G) and they had set it up for next Friday. When she went to confirm the date, she said it was the 13th- I was confused because I thought it was next week, but it ended up being all the OB had so I kept it. That mistake ended up to be such a blessing! My OB performed an exam on me and within seconds, she knew exactly why I was spotting. My cervix is very irritated by the progesterone supplements that I am on. There was a certain spot that she said was very rough and was obviouolsy bleeding. She was able to scab it over and said that within a few days the spotting should stop. She also did another ultrasound because she wanted to check the placenta because she thought if the placenta was starting to form and dig in, it could be causing irriation because it was in the same spot I just had the surgery. Sure enough, the placenta was there and was settling in. We also got to see baby move which it didn't do yesterday!

Dr G was really concerned about my mental state because I was obviously scared out of my mind and I am not one to hide my emotions! She wanted me to take it easy and to allow my body and mind time to heal so she put me on a mandatory week off of work. She is so funny, she said' "if you have to, shop at Aldies for the week, but this is more important than a paycheck!" So, here I am on the couch for the next week. I feel so relieved that I finally have an answer and hopefully a resolution to this spotting. I also feel my confidence for this pregnancy improving with every verse I read. So, I am asking if you have a great verse that you think I would benefit from reading, please leave it in the comments section. I plan on printing out all these verses and scattering them throughout my house so that I will always be reminded of the amazing things that God can do for us if we only TRUST.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Perinatologist

Thank you for all of your prayers- they definitely helped set our minds at ease as we went to this appt today. I will start off by saying that everything is still going great- we saw the heartbeat again and even saw the start of little arm and leg buds. Baby was measuring a week bigger than the original due date that we were given (which matches up with my calculations better) but the dr said it was best to stick with the original date given- so October 22 is the day we are aiming towards.

We were really happy with Dr R - he definitely calmed our nerves about the spotting and the infection. Basically what he said was that they don't treat with antibiotics for this infection because there is no research to prove that it prevents pre-term labor. As for the spotting, they didn't see anything on the ultrasound that caused concern so they are just putting me in the 30% of pregnant women that spot during pregnancy. They did have concerns about my blood pressure though. This is something Dr Y had also mentioned at my last appt. They checked it 4 times during my appt and each time it was pretty high. But, to my defense, the first time they took it they made a comment about the twins I was carrying- of course my BP went sky high at that comment! It went down dramatically once I explained we were pregnant with only one baby. I do need to monitor my BP 4 times a day at home to make sure it is not going to be a problem. So, as for now, I go back to my OB and she does my regular care and then once I hit 16 weeks, Dr R will see me every 2 weeks for a cervix check to make sure that pre-term labor is not on the horizon. I think I am basically going to be living at Dr's offices, but that is fine with me! The more people watching out for me, the better.

Well, I think that is it for now. I will leave you with the 8 week picture of our little gummy bear...

Appt

Just a reminder that we have our 8 week appointment with the high risk dr tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. We are really anxious and nervous for the ultrasound since the spotting has become a daily occurance. Please pray that everything goes well and we are able to see and hear our baby's heartbeat again. Thanks!

Signs

This part of my post is dedicated to Nicole who inspired me to watch out for signs in my life. The last day we were in Acapulco, I noticed this bird following me around everywhere I went. I was in the lobby and the bird was in the reflecting pond that was part of the lobby. I walked through the entertainment area and the bird was walking on the stage. I went to the pool and the bird was walking behind me in the grass. I laid down on my chair and I noticed the bird had settled in the pond behind the pool. When Jason came down to the pool that day I mentioned that this bird seemed to be following me. He looked over at it and said something to the effect of, "You know that is a stork, right?" I didn't know that, but was pretty excited when I found that out because I thought it was a sign of good things to come for us! And, sure enough I was suprised only 2 days later with a positive pregnancy test!

On a totally seperate note, I wanted to let you know that we no longer have the prayer pager. We had it for 7 months and thought it was time to pass it on to someone who desperately needed it. Rich is the father of a good friend of ours and a fellow church member. He was diagnosed with cancer last year, had surgery to remove it and it seemed that all went well. He was actually the one to pass the pager on to us. Unfortunately, last week he was told that the cancer came back. They are still waiting for some information, but in the meantime we thought it would be great for him to know how many people are praying for him. We know how powerful that pager can be, and we hope that it lifts him up like it did us.

Thanks again for all the prayers. The spotting seems to be very stubborn and is still coming and going as it pleases. I am still praying that it stops completely, but this morning I was wondering if this is God's way of saying- don't you trust me? If I truly trusted Him, I wouldn't worry about the spotting, right? I would know that He would take care of this baby and protect it. Obviously, this is a hard thing for me with what happened in the past with the lives of our beautiful girls that I trusted to Him. Anyways, I will leave you with that random thought of the day....

Thanks

We wanted to thank all of you for your amazing comments, emails and Facebook messages. Sorry if we did not get back to you, but know that we read them all and we are humbled to have so many wonderful friends and family taking time out of their day to pray for us. We have felt your prayers so much in the last week. We can tell this is going to be an extremely long journey, but have already felt the tension and nervousness subside a little.

So, I am sure you all are looking for an update.... The spotting stopped for a few days and then came back just recently but was a lot less than last week. There has not been any cramping associated with it and until it becomes a brighter color, the dr is not concerned. As for the Dr, I have now moved on from the RE (fertility specialist) to a Perinatologist (high risk maternal fetal dr). I will see the P next Thursday for an 8 week ultrasound and then he will release me to see my regular OB. I will also continue to see the P but am not sure how often that will happen. We made the decision to go to the high risk dr because of the infection that they found in Brooke's placenta. These were the drs I dealt with at the hospital and that delivered the girls, well at least Alexcyn. It happened so fast, they couldn't get there in time to deliver Brooke. They know my story and they are aware of the infection and I figure an extra set of eyes and ears during this pregnancy can not hurt. As for me, a lot of you asked how I am doing. I want to make a little disclaimer- I am not complaining here, just making a statement because so many people asked! I am not feeling well at all. It comes and goes, but most days the morning sickness is with me all day long. I don't actually throw up, but feel like I could all day, not just the morning=). I am also extremely tired and slept from 9-9 last night! Jason has been amazing in taking care of me during this time- he deserves an award. I am pretty much stuck to the couch the minute I get home and that puts him in charge of cooking dinner (and I am pretty finicky these days) and taking care of the house. Again, I am not complaining- I am thrilled to not be feeling well. It almost makes it more real to me since sometimes I feel like I am dreaming!

Thanks again for all the prayers. For those of you who asked how to specifically pray, please pray the spotting stops for good and doesn't keep surprising us.

Wordless Wednesday

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