Monday, May 31, 2010
the green shirt...
Have you ever been surprised by a memory? You are going along with life and then suddenly, without any warning at all, you are just transported back. Today I was cleaning out my closet and finally making the transition from winter to summer. I was moving some t-shirts over and suddenly I came across my green shirt. I stared at it for a second and suddenly I was back there. I was in the NICU unit and I was hearing the Dr tell me that it was time to let my baby girl go, I was watching my beautiful daughter as she got baptised, I was finally holding my daughter in my arms and kissing her as she left this earth. In all those memories, I can clearly see me wearing that same green shirt. Amazing how looking a simple piece of clothing can bring back all those memories, isn't it?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Wow, I can't believe has passed since I posted last! So much for my attempt to get on here more....
First off, I survived Mother's Day! Grant was not a happy baby that day so I chose to stay home with him while J went to church. That was fine with me because I wasn't sure if I was ready for the Mother's Day scene at church anyways. I made an attempt to bring flowers to the girls that day, but found out that the cemetery was closed due to a college graduation which was taking place right next to the cemetery. I probably could have parked across the street and walked in but figured the experience would have been ruined anyways with the ceremony and loud speakers being so close to the girls grave. I pretty much spent the rest of my day hanging out with my two favorite men, getting pampered with a delicious lunch on the grill made by J and receiving lots of slobbery kisses from G. It was sad thinking that not all of my babies could be there to celebrate with me that day, but overall it was much better than I had anticipated.
Grant has been quite a handful this week. He has been cutting 4 new teeth on top and after a day reprieve from that pain, he developed a nasty ear infection. This has all caused him to not want to sleep the 10 uninterrupted hours that he was blessing us with the previous week. So, when Grant has napped this week, I have napped. Hence the lack of extra time to do things such as blog! Prayers that he will get over this ear infection would be wonderful- it seems to be causing him a lot of pain right now.
We have also been very busy trying to baby proof our house because Grant is "crawling" now. I put crawling in quotations because he isn't really doing a normal hands and knees crawl, he is doing the commando crawl. He lays on the floor and drags himself around using his left arm and pushing with his right leg. He seems to be pretty content getting around this way and I have to admit he is actually pretty fast! Our current issue is figuring out a gate for our basement stairs which are open from our living room. Jasper the cat's bathroom is downstairs so we need a gate that can keep Grant in, but still allow Jasper to get around/through. After searching for baby & cat friendly gates, J decided to just build one to suit our needs- lets hope it works!
I will leave you with a short video I took of G doing his wounded soldier crawl....
First off, I survived Mother's Day! Grant was not a happy baby that day so I chose to stay home with him while J went to church. That was fine with me because I wasn't sure if I was ready for the Mother's Day scene at church anyways. I made an attempt to bring flowers to the girls that day, but found out that the cemetery was closed due to a college graduation which was taking place right next to the cemetery. I probably could have parked across the street and walked in but figured the experience would have been ruined anyways with the ceremony and loud speakers being so close to the girls grave. I pretty much spent the rest of my day hanging out with my two favorite men, getting pampered with a delicious lunch on the grill made by J and receiving lots of slobbery kisses from G. It was sad thinking that not all of my babies could be there to celebrate with me that day, but overall it was much better than I had anticipated.
Grant has been quite a handful this week. He has been cutting 4 new teeth on top and after a day reprieve from that pain, he developed a nasty ear infection. This has all caused him to not want to sleep the 10 uninterrupted hours that he was blessing us with the previous week. So, when Grant has napped this week, I have napped. Hence the lack of extra time to do things such as blog! Prayers that he will get over this ear infection would be wonderful- it seems to be causing him a lot of pain right now.
We have also been very busy trying to baby proof our house because Grant is "crawling" now. I put crawling in quotations because he isn't really doing a normal hands and knees crawl, he is doing the commando crawl. He lays on the floor and drags himself around using his left arm and pushing with his right leg. He seems to be pretty content getting around this way and I have to admit he is actually pretty fast! Our current issue is figuring out a gate for our basement stairs which are open from our living room. Jasper the cat's bathroom is downstairs so we need a gate that can keep Grant in, but still allow Jasper to get around/through. After searching for baby & cat friendly gates, J decided to just build one to suit our needs- lets hope it works!
I will leave you with a short video I took of G doing his wounded soldier crawl....
I was holding his bottle hostage so he was not happy with me, but isn't the crawl hilarious????
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"
God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."
God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."
Again the small child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"
God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"Who will protect me?"
God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."
God said, You will simply call her, "Mom."
God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."
God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."
Again the small child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"
God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"Who will protect me?"
God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."
God said, You will simply call her, "Mom."
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Sunday...
Hiding under the blankets, sightseeing in Toronto, sitting outside in the cold rain watching a Cubs game and outlet shopping on the other side of the state....what do all of these things have in common?
They are all places I have run to in order to avoid the dreaded Mothers Day.
This year I am grateful to be spending the day listening to sweet laughter and getting slobbery "kisses" from my precious baby boy. BUT, that does not mean that I will be celebrating this Mothers Day the way that normal mothers do. Even though I am blessed enough to have a living, breathing child to spend my day with, I still have 2 children that don't get to make me a mothers day breakfast or shower with me laughter and kisses. People assume that since Grant is here, everything from the past is wiped away and forgotten and this Mothers Day will be normal. Don't get me wrong, I will celebrate, but it won't be the same celebration it could have been if I had all of my babies here with me. This day will forever be bittersweet for me. It will always remind me of the struggles I went through to become a mother and the two beautiful angels that first made me a mother.
If you are running and hiding like I used to, if you are still trying to have your rainbow baby, if you are struggling with the grief over the loss o your baby/babies as this day approaches, please let me know. I would love to pray for you. Please leave a comment on this post or email me at jandkblog@yahoo.com and let me lift you up in prayer.
They are all places I have run to in order to avoid the dreaded Mothers Day.
This year I am grateful to be spending the day listening to sweet laughter and getting slobbery "kisses" from my precious baby boy. BUT, that does not mean that I will be celebrating this Mothers Day the way that normal mothers do. Even though I am blessed enough to have a living, breathing child to spend my day with, I still have 2 children that don't get to make me a mothers day breakfast or shower with me laughter and kisses. People assume that since Grant is here, everything from the past is wiped away and forgotten and this Mothers Day will be normal. Don't get me wrong, I will celebrate, but it won't be the same celebration it could have been if I had all of my babies here with me. This day will forever be bittersweet for me. It will always remind me of the struggles I went through to become a mother and the two beautiful angels that first made me a mother.
If you are running and hiding like I used to, if you are still trying to have your rainbow baby, if you are struggling with the grief over the loss o your baby/babies as this day approaches, please let me know. I would love to pray for you. Please leave a comment on this post or email me at jandkblog@yahoo.com and let me lift you up in prayer.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tulip Time
Every year our town celebrates everything Dutch. For many years now I have walked downtown and watched the proud mothers take countless photos of their children dressed up as little dutch boys and girls. With the invention of Face.book, my inbox was flooded with these pictures. All of these pictures were adorable but they were so painful to see because I longed to be that proud mom showing off her little dutch baby to all her family and friends. Well, the longing and the wait is finally over.....introducing Grant Weston aka the cutest dutch boy ever!
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