Our year in pictures....

Relaxing in Acapulco!

I had to include the stork that brought us such good luck!

SURPRISE! After 3 years of trying with no success, we actually got pregnant on our own!

Our first picture of our miracle baby.

It's a BOY!

Blessed by God!

Jason and I enjoying a sunset cruise on the boat.

Enjoying a hot summer day at the ballpark.

Remembering our precious angels in heaven on what should have been their first birthday...

On our way to the hospital- I can't believe this is actually going to happen!!!!

Grant Weston born October 1, 2009!

the greatest gift...

Grant's First Thanksgiving

Can't resist this adorable little Santa!

Grant's first Christmas!

2009 was full of ups and downs as we continued to fight through our grief for our daughters, celebrated an unexpected gift of pregnancy, battled extreme anxiety through our pregnancy and then welcomed our son into our arms. I remember last year I couldn't be happier to say goodbye to 2008. This year, I will be holding my baby in my arms as I say goodbye to another year, a year I will never forget!

Best. Christmas. EVER!

What a blessing it was to celebrate this first Christmas with Grant.

I think the smiles on our faces say it all... it was truly the best Christmas ever!

Showing off his new shades
He wasn't spoiled at all!!

The beautiful quilt Grandma S made!

Grant with his present from mom and dad- it was a Johnny Jump Up!

My perfect gift!

Sometimes I still feel like I am dreaming.....

I pinch myself and realize that this is not a dream.

This adorable little baby is really ours!

We wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and we pray that all of your Christmas dreams come true!

Christmas Past...

September 16, 2005- We started trying to get pregnant. I can vividly remember the conversations J and I had about how we would announce our pregnancy to everyone. We figured we would be pregnant by Christmas and we would do the ever famous "grandma and grandpa" gift. We talked about how excited our families would be and we dreamed of their reactions full of excitement and joy. Christmas 2005 came and went and there were pregnancy announcements made, but not by us. It was ok though. We had only been trying a few months at that point, our turn was next. When I think back on that time, I am still amazed at how naive we were.

Christmas 2006- By this point, we had been trying for a while and had experienced a few rounds of the lovely fertility drug, Clomid. We were actually due to take a HPT on Christmas. I didn't even dare do it that morning. I love Christmas and I figured it was better to go through the day filled with hope than sadness from seeing yet another negative HPT. Later that day, it was obvious that the final round of Clomid had not worked. So, yet another year passed, more pregnancies were announced, more babies joined our family and circle and friends and there we were- still waiting.

Christmas 2007- We had been seeing a RE and had actually gotten pregnant this year only to loose the baby to miscarriage. The baby was due November 10. I remember Christmas being extremely difficult as I had so many dreams for that baby and how we would finally celebrate Christmas as a family. This Christmas, I was very sad. I had lost all hope of my dreams ever coming true. I thought life couldn't get any worse. Little did I know....

Christmas 2008- From the moment the Christmas decorations started going up, I wanted to crawl under the covers and not come out until this horrible year had ended. Unfortunately, this year I found out that life could get worse... much worse. The loss of our Brooke and Alexcyn brought a whole new reality of sadness to our lives. This Christmas was a complete blur to me. I remember being there, but I was in another world.... a sad world, a lonely world, a world where everything was numb.

Christmas 2009- Our dreams have finally come true. I am seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child and it is the best gift I have ever received! I can finally attend the family gatherings and actually hold my own baby in my arms. Instead of watching everyone else celebrate the holiday with their kids and longing for what they have, I finally have it. I long no more! We have encountered many broken dreams along the way and right now I miss the girls like crazy and I wonder what could have and should have been.

But, then I look at this face and I just thank God a thousand times for the amazing blessing of life this Christmas...

Although we celebrate this Christmas, I have not and will not ever forget what we went through to have an actual "Merry Christmas". So many years of longing, so many years of unfulfilled dreams, so much sadness-- one does not just forget those feelings. For all of you out there that are suffering from infertility, I am saying a prayer of comfort for you as you go through the holidays with lost dreams. For those of you grieving the loss of a infant this year, I am praying that God surrounds you with peace. And for those of you holding your rainbow baby this year, I am saying a big prayer of thanks with you!

But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

Rainbows

Babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Five ways you can tell that I am a mother of a rainbow baby

1- When Grant cries, it makes me smile.

2- This one may sound funny to regular mommas, but to those baby loss mommas- I think you will understand. I am finally shopping at Target again! It used to be that I wouldn't step foot in that place because it is a serious magnet for pregnant women and babies. If I dared to go, I would typically run through the store with my head down and then walk out of there in tears anyways. I now proudly shop there for hours on end with my head up and walk out of there without any tears!

3- Until Grant was born, it had been almost a year and a half since I had a genuine smile on my face. Everyone can now tell just how happy I am because I have developed mouth wrinkles! I think it is because I haven't stopped smiling since 8:50 on October 1, 2009!!!

4-Even when I am without baby G, I carry my diaper bag as a purse just because I finally have a reason to carry a diaper bag and I want the world to know!

5-And finally, when Grant looks up at the ceiling and smiles, I don't assume he is looking at the lights or the ceiling fan.... I know that he is looking up at the two beautiful angels that surround our family and giving them a giant smile of thanks for protecting him.

If you are a mother of a rainbow baby and you have anything you would like to add, please leave me a comment. I would love to hear what you do that makes you stand out!

2 months!

Can you believe that I turned 2 months old yesterday? My mom and dad are so amazed that time is going by so quickly. I have grown to be a pretty handsome man if I say so myself!

(I didn't feel like smiling for my picture!)

This is what I am up to lately...

* I love to eat! I am downing 4 ounces every 2 -3 hours during the day.

* My love of food was shown today at my 2 month appt- I now weigh 11 lbs 4 oz and am 23 1/2 in long- wow! I am in the 50th percentile for everything except my head which is 20th % - this is for those friends of my parents that thought I would have a big head!

* I love to sleep too and am starting to finally give my mom and dad a longer stretch of sleep at night. I like to surprise them every once in a while and sleep 6 hours in a row. My mom must really like this because she gives me lots of kisses when I wake up those mornings.

* I like to hang out with my kitty Jasper. He is so protective of me which makes my mommy really happy!

*I still love to lay under my play gym and watch the butterfly. I don't reach up for it yet, but I am trying. I do occasionally get my foot up there to kick it so it sings to me though so that will do until I figure out how to work my arms!

*I have grown very attached to my bouncy seat and my swing! I love to lay in my swing and watch the mobile go around and around.

*I have started to smile at things other than gas in my tummy! And, I have started to coo at random times- always surprising my mom and dad with a little one here and there!

(Here is a half a smile as I hang out with my mom's favorite Katie kitty stuffed animal!)

Well, I think that is all I am up to lately. My mom and dad hope that by the end of the month I will be sleeping 8 - 10 hours a night! Stay tuned next month to see if I grant them that wish!!!!

Grant Weston

Life has been very busy around here....

We spent our first Thanksgiving with Grant. This year we had so much to be thankful for!

Our little guy looked so handsome and so grown up in his sweater vest!


Cutting down our Christmas tree with our baby boy in our arms.

Unfortunately, it was rainy and I couldn't quite figure out how the Moby was supposed to be wrapped but it was still the best experience ever! If you recall, last year this was a very difficult experience for me as I had alreaady dreamed of the day we would wrap the girls up and take them out to cut down their first Christmas tree. This year we were finally able to experience this tradition as a family and it was such a blessing!

Grant's first hayride!

Our first time cutting down our Christmas tree as a family! Kinda bummed that this house is in the background and not the tree farm, but oh well!

And finally, decorating our Christmas tree and remembering the girls....