Family Shower

I had my baby shower with J's family on Saturday and had so much fun! Everything was so perfect from the adorable favors to the shower games and if you know anything about me, you know I don't like games so that is saying a lot!

I felt so blessed by all the fabulous gifts I got for baby boy and yes, I am feeling better and slightly more prepared now that I actually have things in the drawers and a changing pad on the table! There are still quite a few things that we need, but I hear from many people that I will be surprised at how much stuff we get so I am trying to stop stressing about it! This is not an easy task for an obsessive planner like myself, but I am really trying!

The morning of the shower, I woke up early with much anticipation and found my mind wandering back to when I first dreamed of my baby shower. It is hard to believe that it was almost 4 years ago now.... I remember how naive I was thinking that it would be just a few short months after we first starting trying. I remember attending showers after we had been trying for a while and then after we had been diagnosed as infertile and then after we had a miscarriage and then after we lost the girls. The thought of attending a baby shower definitely took on a different meaning to me over those years and I will never forget all the emotions involved when you have lost a child or the dream of a child. So, as I sat at my shower opening all those fabulous gifts, I just felt grateful that it was finally my turn, that I was the one opening the presents, that I was being celebrated this day! What an amazing blessing!

Shower

My co-workers threw our first baby shower yesterday. It went very well and was a great way to kick off the shower season! We got our Boppy play gym as well as a few little goodies like some adorable home made burp cloths!

(Yum- a red velvet cake made by Creations by Marcia- it is my favorite and was delish!)

Tomorrow brings shower number two thrown by my sister in law and mother in law. I am definitely starting to freak out a bit that we need so many things for bebe and have nothing yet! So, all my worries about being anxious for the shower are gone. Now I am much more concerned that we won't have a car seat, stroller or bassinet when bebe comes home and one of those you need or else they won't let you leave the hospital! I know this is just the beginning of the whole nesting phase which scares me because that combined with my obsessive planning gene, is a really bad combo! I am hoping that once I leave the shower tomorrow afternoon, I will actually start to feel more prepared and a little less stressed.

Other than that, nothing else is really new around here. We are just thrilled to be at 32 weeks and to be at a point where we could deliver at our local hospital and not have to worry about developmental issues with bebe being born early.

Sorry, I have kind of fallen off the baby name game a little, here is a clue for anyone that is still playing...

Clue # 6: The first letter of this name can be found in the first half of the alphabet....

Busy, busy, busy...

Things have been so busy around here lately that I haven't even had a chance to post! It seems like we have something every weekend and almost every week night too. I was definitely starting to feel a little overwhelmed because it seemed there was so much to do to get ready for baby boy and there was no time to get it all done!

I was so excited when we were finally able to get the dresser and crib set up in the nursery last week. Although, that excitement was short lived as I realized that the white dresser I ordered was not the same white as the crib I ordered. It was pretty disappointing that the nursery is not going to be as I planned, but in the scheme of things, I suppose it really isn't that big of a deal. I am still trying to figure out a way to make it look intentional though so I am open for suggestions if you have any! (The crib is bright white and the dresser is antique white.) Now, we just need to figure out a rocker/glider chair for the room and then we should be all set in there furniture wise.

It is hard to believe, but I have two showers next week! I am kind of numb about all of this shower stuff. On one hand, I have spent 4 years dreaming of the day I would be the one opening the gifts at a baby shower. On the other hand, it is something I never got to do with the girls and that makes me sad. I definitely anticipate the whole scene being emotional, but that is something I have become very used to when it comes to baby showers! For anyone who has dealt with infertility, I am sure you know what I mean.

Other than that, I am still feeling relatively well. I have developed sciatic nerve pain and that has literally become a pain in my ass! Luckily it comes and goes, but when it is here, it is very uncomfortable and tends to make me do the waddle walk; something I have fought hard to not do this entire pregnancy! Baby boy is moving around more now and I love to watch my stomach move when he decides it is play time in there. He has also come down with the hiccups a few times and that has been so fun to experience!

Here I am at 31 weeks standing next to our beautiful (bright white) crib! Wrong color or not, I still love it!

And, here is Jasper the cat checking everything out as we moved the guest bed, aka his bed, out of the room and into the basement. Needless to say, he was confused and not a happy cat that day!

30 something....

A couple years ago, I shuddered at the thought of being a 30 something. I hated the idea of reaching that age and not being where I thought I would be in my life. Well, today I am happy to report that I am a 30 something and proud of it! Only this time, we aren't talking my age, we are talking baby boy's age. Today we start week 30- woo hoo!!! Only 2 more weeks and we will be to a point where if baby boy were born, his chances of survival and growing up to be a normal healthy baby will be greatly increased. I feel so relieved to be in the "home stretch" of this pregnancy!

Many of you have asked me lately how I am feeling. Physically, I still feel great. I have a few backaches here and there, but nothing my yoga exercises can't stretch out. I am gaining weight at a rapid rate and have already had to say goodbye to a few of my smaller maternity clothes. I am still sleeping as well as can be and just trying to soak it all up while I can! Mentally, I am doing so much better than a month ago. I had so many people tell me that getting past my loss time and date wouldn't really help my anxiety level. I must be an exception to that rule because I am feeling so much more confident than I was just a few weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty of fears but I am trying my best to give them up to God and try to enjoy what I have left of this pregnancy. Showers are currently being planned and we just completed our birthing class at the hospital which was a little emotional as it brought back many memories of the girls birth. But, it was another milestone that we didn't reach with the girls so I feel blessed that I was able to go! We have finally cleaned out the guest room and are ready for the crib and dresser to come on Friday. I am definitely getting antsy to start getting things ready and transform that room into a nursery! So, when people ask me how I am, I just respond grateful! I will take every backache and sleepless night if it means I get to take home my baby boy in 10 weeks.

Before I sign off I do have a prayer request for you.... Friends of ours, Jeff and Wendy lost their baby girl Natalie Grace at 21 weeks this past weekend. Our hearts are breaking with them as we know exactly how empty they feel right now. Please pray that they will be surrounded by comfort, strength and peace at this difficult time.

Third Trimester

When I think back to February when we found out that we were pregnant, the third trimester seemed like it was ages away ..... now, here we are! Praise the Lord, we made it!!! We are now 28 weeks pregnant and if something were to happen at this point, the chances of baby boy surviving are so much higher. Our next milestone is 32 weeks- I am guessing with as busy as we have been, the next 4 weeks will fly by and 32 will be here before we know it. Or at least I can hope so, right?

We had our last cervical ultrasound yesterday and everything looked great. My cervix was measuring the same it was at 24 weeks. Dr G actually said to not be surprised if it had shortened a little due to the natural flow of things, but nope- it was the same! We also got our last peek at baby boy. Unfortunately, we were at the OB this time so the quality of the ultrasound was not quite what we were spoiled with at the MFM. No 4D pics for us anymore and the ones we did get are hard to decipher. But, I will say that we got a good look at baby boy's head and he has a ton of hair already!!!! My guess is he is going to come out with a full head of brown hair just like his daddy!

(I tried to download the cutest pic of J when he was just born, but am having technical difficulties!)

We have been so busy lately that I went a whole month without a belly pic! The quote of the week from everyone has been, "wow, you have popped!" Yes, I definitely have popped. I seriously woke up one day last week and looked down with amazement at how much I grew overnight! I am still feeling great though and have absolutely no complaints.



And, finally what you all have been badgering me for..... name game clue # 5

Neither the first name or the middle name are biblical....

our day in pictures...

The day was so special that I think the pictures really say it all. A very special thanks to Butterflies and Prayers for the donation of a dozen monarch butterflies for this occasion. Please check out this fabulous charity and see what amazing things they are doing for those that have lost loved ones butterfliesandprayers.

Creations by Marcia made us this fabulous cookie "cake" to honor the girls. I want to always make sure this day is special and I felt a cake was not quite appropriate- this cookie was perfect and tasted fabulous as well! (thanks to Kellie for the idea)

And, finally a huge thank you to our parents and friends who left flowers and cards at the grave site. I can hardly put into words how much it means to us to know that you have not forgotten and that our girls short lives made an impact on your lives. I am forever grateful to you all for your love and support.

Alexcyn Grace

A year ago today we said goodbye to our second daughter, our dear Alexcyn Grace.


We woke up that morning with so much hope for you. It was quickly ripped out from underneath us as we spoke to the doctors and heard the words we dreaded to hear- you were not doing well. We had only been parents for 3 days and we were suddenly faced with the worst decision a parent ever has to make....to hold on to you or to let you go. It didn't take us long to make that difficult decision. We wanted what was best for you and we couldn't live with ourselves knowing that we selfishly put you through pain and suffering just so we could keep holding your hand. A short time later, your numbers started going down and we thought we might lose you. I was so scared, but you pulled through. It was then that I knew you were simply letting us know that it was ok, you were ready to go to Heaven.

That afternoon you were baptised by Pastor Frank as you were wrapped in the beautiful white blanket that your great grandma B made for you. (I still sleep with that blanket to this day and I swear it still smells like you.) Early that evening, your grandpa P flew in from Cali so he could meet his second granddaughter.

A short time later, we held you in our arms for the first time since you were born. It was such a bittersweet moment for us. Holding you in our arms meant that you were also leaving us soon to go to the arms of the Lord. Those moments with you; holding your hand, tickling your feet, and kissing your sweet face will forever be etched in our hearts.

We love you, we miss you, we will never forget you.

We will hold your hand your hand forever...