Round Three

Thought I would give an update on Krista. She is doing well. She loved the hospital (JK) and is resting comfortably in bed at home. The surgery went really well and there were no complications at all so we a very thankful for that. The Doctor said that it was nothing complicated and it was not a polup. It was just tissue that had calcified and was left over from her pregnancy earlier last year. Krista will need to rest for a couple days but we are very glad everything went well and are looking for ward to moving on past this. Must be a new year. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

I Will Rise

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

I am feeling so much better this week! Not sure if it was the great sermon at church yesterday, all of the beeps from the prayer pager, a new year full of new possibilities or the fact that I am back at work and have an internet connection again, but I am feeling uplifted and ready to fight. I am scheduled for my hysteroscopy tomorrow at 9:45. I am not really nervous, but am anxious to just get it over with already. I have heard that the surgery is pretty routine and will last about an hour. I have Tuesday and Wednesday off work and hope that my internet will be hooked up tomorrow so we can update you on how everything went.

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

*I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

Happy New Year!!!

Hello 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have waited so long to say goodbye to 2008. It was a year full of flooded basements and lost dreams..... good riddence!

May this year bring new beginnings and renewed hope to all of us!

We have a date

After a little begging and of course a few tears, I got an earlier date for my surgery!!!! Next Tuesday, January 6 is the day. I will be having a hysteroscopy- it is a pretty routine outpatient surgery and I should only miss two days of work. My fertility specialist will be the one performing the surgery- the same one that did my laparoscopy last year so I am confident that he will be able to get in there and figure out what is going on and fix it. Once I have the surgery, I will be put on estrogen pills for 4 weeks to aid in the healing and then we should get the green light to start again. Thanks for all of your prayers regarding this situation. It has been a rough few days here for us with this news and a few other things we weren't quite expecting. But, we will carry on and not let this get us down. Thanks for all of the prayer pages as well- they definitely add a light in these dark days. A few people have asked for a reminder on the number, so here it is again- 616.772.0110.

Also, I have added my new theme song for your enjoyment. On our due date, I received a CD entitled Valley Songs- it was given to me by a friend who had lost her daughter a year before. I absolutely love the CD and my favorite song is number 5 - Beauty From Pain by the Superchicks. I have found myself saying the lyrics over and over the last few days almost as a prayer that I will find beauty from this pain someday. I hope you turn your mute off and listen- it really is a great song.

"Beauty From Pain"

The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

And then the darkness surrounds me

I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over

My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made

I try to keep warm but i just grow colder

I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain

After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today,

Someday i'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best i can do is just get through the day

When life before is only a memory

I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though i can't understand why this happened

I know that i will when i look back someday

And see how you've brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain

After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today,

Someday i'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me

Tryin to hold to what i can't seeI forgot how to hope

This night's been so long

I cling to Your promise

There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain

After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today,

Someday i'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Quick update

I finally got a call back from the drs office and I won't be having the surgery this Wednesday because they are booked. Right now it looks like it will be January 14. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but it never is!!!

When it rains....

it pours... and floods our basement. Yes, even though it is December, our basement has once again flooded. We woke up yesterday to thunder and lightning and should have known to just stay in bed. Instead, I went to a dr appt at our fertility specialist. We were getting ready to start our first cycle of FSH injections since the girls were born. I went in for a 15 minute screening ultrasound and ended up spending 3 hours there and having a hysterosalpingogram done. Thet end result- I have a calcification in my uterus that needs to be removed right away. They are not sure what it is, it could be leftover from birth of the girls, it could be a conception that didn't last, it could be scar tissue. Whatever it is, it is preventing me from getting pregnant and now I have to go in for a hysteroscopy (a simple outpatient surgery) to get it removed. As you can imagine, this news was not what I wanted to hear and it really sent my hope into a quick downward spiral. All I wanted was for a quick appt that said I was ready to start again, yet here I sit waiting and wallowing in the why me again scenario. And, did I mention that our basement flooded again??????!!!! Luckily, we were prepared and had an action plan for when this happened again- we rolled up the carpet and let the water flow in. So, if you have a few extra prayers today, we could use some!

Please pray that the surgery would be able to be scheduled this Wednesday because I have this week off and wouldn't have to miss more work.

Please pray that Jason would be able to get the day off to go with me.

Please pray that our hope and fight for a baby will remain strong and not be affected by this news.

Please pray that the water stops flowing into the basement!

Phew......

it is over! We survived Christmas! I always say that the aniticipation leading up to an event is often worse than the event itself, but this day proved me wrong. I will not kid you, it was hard. We attended a Christmas Eve candelight service and the minute they turned those lights out and all of the candles were glowing and they started singing silent night, I was a mess! The morning went well, but I felt so empty. I kept opening presents thinking they would fill the emptiness I had in my heart, but that was silly- I was longing for something that no one can give me and the realization of that hit hard. We made sure to spend some time at the cemetery in between our two parties yesterday. It was so heartbreaking to be there. A cemetery is just not the place we thought we would be on Christmas. Once home after the family gatherings were over, I just calapsed. I was exhausted mentally and physicaly and I finally had some quiet time to reflect on everything and I was just plain sad. I do want to thank the few of you that prayed for us yesterday. We heard the pager go off a couple times and that sound was wonderful to hear. There is nothing quite like knowing someone is out there lifting you up when you are down. I know that the people that read this blog vary from friends, family members, new bloggy friends, church family, co-workers and more. I know that some of you are dealing with cancer, life altering illness, heartbreak, grief and like me, just plain old sadness. I hope that you all felt the prayers that I was showering over you yesterday and that you all woke up today feeling a little better.

I do have a prayer request for a bloggy friend of mine who is getting ready to deliver her baby boy Dylan James any day now. Dylan was diagnosed at 20 weeks as having Trisomy 18. It is most likely that he will pass away soon after birth. Nicole has been so strong in her faith through this whole experience. She has been an inspiration to many women and I just pray for her as she prepares for this day in her life- they day she says hello and goodbye to her precious baby boy.