The last few weeks have been go, go, go for us. I suppose I subconsciously arranged a busy schedule thinking that a busy mind is better than a mind full of anxiety. Boy was I naive! Now, not only am I finding myself having mini breakdowns, I am also extremely exhausted and just plain tired. I didn't realize it until yesterday when it seemed like one thing after another was going wrong. These were minor issues in the scheme of things, but I just totally fell apart. It was then that I realized that I couldn't hide anymore from my anxiety. It was showing its ugly face and reminding me that stuffing it and making myself busy was only making it worse because now it was sneaking up on me. One week from today, we will be 23 weeks and 2 days pregnant. That is how pregnant I was the day that my water broke with the girls. And, coincidentally, it falls on a Wednesday again. And then in one month, we will be going through this all again when July 16 hits- 1 year from the day my water broke.
With the advice of my fabulous OB, I have taken Wed- Fri off next week for a mental vacation and I have planned a pamper session consisting of a massage, yoga, facial, or pedicure for each day. Somehow, I feel like if I pamper myself into relaxing that the memories, flashbacks and anxiety of that moment will just fade away.... again, silly me.
So, I am once again in need of prayers. Prayers that I make it through this week and next without too many emotional breakdowns. Prayers that I will be constantly reminded to keep my eyes on God and TRUST (my biggest issue) that He will take care of the little one growing inside me. Prayers that we will see this baby boys beautiful face in October and not anytime sooner. Prayers for J as he deals with his own anxiety on top of taking care of me. Prayers for June 27 when we can officially say we are more pregnant than we have ever been before. I think that should keep you busy for a while!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You are in my prayers. Enjoy your days off.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so, so praying for you. I will be thinking of you through these next few weeks especially and picturing you, hubby, and baby boy your first day home from the hospital in October!!!
ReplyDeleteI went for my second time to see a grief counselor today and she is going to do a technique with me to try to process through the actual event of my water breaking-since when I think of it, I go right back there. I hope it works even a little!
Prayers and love coming your way!!!!!!!
Thinking and praying for you... always!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is good to schedule some pampering. Our bodies can't feel relaxed and anxious at the same time. I will be thinking about you this next month!
ReplyDeleteI wish we didn't have to face this unbearable anxiety, but I am afraid that we will face it for the rest of our lives. I agree, "trusting" is the hardest. Praying for you. Take Care
ReplyDelete"So I pray that God, who gives hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in Him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13 NLT
ReplyDeleteOh Krista, please know that you and your son are in my prayers everyday, but especially will be over this next month. Thank you for your promise for prayers over this way too, sometimes it's easier to pray for others rather than ourselves, isn't it? :)
ReplyDeleteMuch love and many prayers,
Susan
Hang in there Krista! I know you are in for a tough couple of weeks, but you can do it!! I learned from my experiences that sometimes its better to just sit down and face the anxiety and get it all "out". There more you stuff it down, the more it seems to grow. I know it is so hard to trust in God, but right now that's all you can do. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteKara
Denial is such a great place to be. Until reality shows up. I have done the same keep myself busy thing. Talk about good intentions gone bad. Some life lessons I have learned (the hard way) are that it's okay to have a pity party as long as you invite Jesus. Also, you need to have a good cry every once in a while or you will have a great big, can't stop, overwhelming, look out for the puddles kind of cry. Prayers are being said by a fellow friend who also struggles with trust.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying super hard for the next week or so. Keep your chin up and take good care of that baby by taking care of yourself :)
ReplyDeleteI hope that the pampering will help you relieve some of your anxiety. Just remember the ultrasound picture you posted...God has His hand on that baby boy! I will be praying for you!
ReplyDelete