"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other." ~Burton Hillis

in Heaven...

"And loved ones who've died, though I miss them today..... at times in an almost unbearable way.... they're doing just fine and they're loving their stay in Heaven.

The day I arrive I will be so excited to see all of my loved ones.  They've all been invited to join in the laughter and be reunited in Heaven.

A mom with her baby, kids with their dad, widows, and friends who've been painfully sad are in for a party like they've never had in Heaven."


"God blesses you who weep now, for the time will come when you will laugh with joy." Luke 6:21

Excerpt from There's A Party In Heaven!  by Gary Bower.  I highly recommend this book to any babyloss mommas that believe their baby/babies are in Heaven. It gives a beautiful visualization of where our babies are resting until we can see them again.  And, I think it is a wonderful way to tell your rainbow babies about their siblings in Heaven.

First Snow

A couple weeks ago we woke up to the first snow of the season.  I was so thankful that it was one of my days to stay home with G.  We stayed in our jammies most of the morning and just watched the snow fall and then layered on some clothes and went outside to explore after nap time.  Grant is getting his snow suit for Christmas so the poor kid had on so many layers of clothes that he could barely walk and at one point he fell over and couldn't stand back up.  Needless to say, our time outside was pretty short, but it didn't stop me from taking some cute pictures!



walking in the snow....




this was after he fell - his poor face was covered in snow!





my little snow bunny

 

"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." ~Elizabeth Edwards~


I saw this quote on Face.book the other day and I just had to re-post it.  It is such a simple statement that has so much meaning.  I know I have said it many times, but the fact that others remember my girls means the world to me.  Now, I am not saying that you all have to run out and buy me a card or ask me about them next time you see me.  Often times it is just the simple act of randomly hearing their names spoken by others that makes my heart feel full.  It was months ago that I saw my 6 year old niece while shopping at Target.  We ran into each other in the baby clothes section and she grabbed a cute little girly pajama set and casually said, "Alexcyn would love this Aunt Krista." It brought tears to my eyes.  The innocence of a little girl that doesn't hesitate and think too hard about if she should say something or not is just priceless.  So, I thought this was a good reminder that if you know someone who lost a child - mention to them that you are thinking of them and their child even if it has been years since their loss.  Knowing that you remember is the greatest gift you can give!

memories

Sometimes it amazes me how a simple sound, smell, song, or word can bring back vivid memories in my mind.  I was at the doctors office last week and the nurse gave me a slip for some blood work (nothing serious, just a typical cholesterol check) and asked me if I knew where the lab was?  Seriously, did I know where the lab was???  Of course I know where the lab is.  I have been there hundreds of times over the last five years for fertility testing, blood work after my miscarriage, blood work for my pregnancies.  Suddenly as I stood there waiting for her to check me out, I was transformed back to that waiting room at the hospital.  I can remember the feeling of my heart pounding out of my chest as I sat there watching the nature channel - I am assuming that they put that on to relax you.  All I know is that a snake crawling through a forest is not relaxing to me!  The phlebotomist calls my name and I think my feet are going to cave beneath me- I am so scared to find out the results of this test.  She draws my blood, gives me information if I want to call and get my results within an hour and sends me on my way.  At that time, I was working as a receptionist so I had no privacy for phone calls.  After about 2 hours of constant prayer and pure anxiety, I see the doctors office number pop up on the caller ID.  I quickly run to the closest empty office, close the door, grab the kleenex out of my pocket and pick up the phone.  I suddenly feel like I am in a dream state as I wait to hear those words....... you are pregnant.  I couldn't believe my ears and I made her repeat it a couple times.  I was instructed to go back to the lab in 2 days and get my blood drawn again and if it doubled, they would schedule me for an ultrasound.  So, 2 days later it felt like de ja vu as I sat in that waiting room, as I waited for the call, as I dashed into an empty office, as I waited to hear those words......your HCG doubled- you are officially pregnant!  Of course, we all know the ending to this story.  I went in at 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat.  I went in at 7 weeks and there was still no heartbeat.  I went in at 8 weeks and it was confirmed that I had a miscarriage.  Sometimes I wish I could go back to that blissful week between hearing the words that I was pregnant and seeing the look on Dr Y's face as he searched for a heartbeat.  I was naive, I was ignorant, I didn't know what I know now and I liked that feeling. 

So, why am I telling you this random story.  I guess I feel that sometimes all my blog posts are about how happy we are with Grant.  But, I wanted you all to know that I never forget the pain of infertility, I never forget the pain of my miscarriage, I never forget the pain of losing my girls.  I still pray every night for people I know and don't know that are dealing with infertility because I understand their pain and know that this is all I can do to help take it away. 

Also, I wanted to address the question of us trying to get pregnant again.  A lot of people have asked me lately so I figured I would throw it out there for you all to hear at the same time.  We would love to have another child, but we are not ready to go through all of the pain of infertility again.  Trying to get pregnant isn't as easy for us as it is for others.  It involves constant trips to the dr for ultrasounds, long annoying phone calls with the insurance company, nightly injections into my belly, and do I even need to mention the heartache of seeing a negative HPT, the envy, jealousy and anger that consumes you as you TTC month after month.  So, instead of dealing with all of that, we have decided to lay it all out for God.  If he chooses to bless us with another miracle baby than we would be thrilled.  If He doesn't, we will still be thrilled because we have our Grant and really all we ever wanted was to be able to hold a child of our own in our arms and that dream came true October 1, 2009.

holiday weekend...

Life was pretty busy around here before the holiday.  I had a big event at work that was taking up a lot of my time and Grant was not sleeping well.  So, we headed out for the holiday totally exhausted and sleep deprived!  Luckily, my family loves spending every moment they can with the G man so they kindly let us get a few good nights sleep while they woke up with Grant.  He seems to be on his normal schedule again....hopefully he stays that way!

We had a great time stuffing our faces with turkey.  Grant of course wanted nothing to do with the delicious turkey, but he gladly ate the whole cranberries- go figure! 

On our way home we stopped by the Christmas Tree Farm and cut down what I think is our best tree yet!  We have been going to the same place for almost 5 years now and every year they add something new.  This year they had a horse drawn sleigh (aka mules pulling a trailer) and Santa.  As you can see, Grant was less than thrilled with being sat next to the guy in red!  Better luck next year I guess.

(yes, we chopped off the top of a tree....  the selection wasn't that great for smaller trees this year so we had no choice!)

thanksgivings....

Today I am thankful for coupon blogs!  I started this addiction almost a year ago when I went down to part time and had to find a way to budget and make up for my lost income.  Since then I have become one of those crazy people that runs to Rite Aid in her pajamas at 9 at night to get free Halloween candy and yes, I admit that I have a coupon binder!  I was horrible about coupons before and probably still would be without the amazing ladies at Hip2Save that do all of the legwork for me.  They have saved me hundreds of dollars on my grocery bill and now thanks to them, I get tons of fun little samples in the mail everyday. 

On that subject... Shutterfly is doing a promotion that if you talk about their fabulous Christmas cards on your blog, you get 50 free cards.  I really do love their cards and I actually have ordered 10 cards already with another coupon so I am excited that I will now be able to get more cards to match those.  For those of you that receive cards from us, I don't want to ruin the fun of opening your cards so I won't share them here but I will show you some of their amazing designs.  It really is hard to choose because they have such a great selection.  Here are some of my favorites...

Christmas Cards

Holiday Cards



Beth- I pick this one for your cards!!!!

 If you are looking for a good gift for grandparents, I would also highly recommend their photo calendars.  I was so excited to fill all the mailboxes I could with calendars full of my G man last year!  I may or may not be doing that again this year... I guess all of you grandmas will have to wait and see.  

Thanks to Shutterfly for helping me stay on budget this Christmas.  If you are a blogger and you want to be part of this promotion, click here!