October 25, 2011

I have started this post a thousand times and I just keep erasing it and starting it over.  I am not sure the best way to say this because I know that some of you will be elated and some of you will get an instant pit in your stomach and wonder why it isn't you.  So, here goes.... we are expecting a new member of the Schrotenboer household in October.  We are shocked and thankful and quite honestly, still in disbelief. 

I found out I was pregnant in February. I could hardly believe it when I looked at the line that appeared so quickly.  I was excited and scared and ran to the store to take 2 more tests just to be sure. I called the dr and she wanted me to come in for a quick ultrasound at 6 weeks to make sure everything looked good since I have a history of well, everything.  I went in and as we looked at the ultrasound screen, we both knew what we saw- an empty sac.  I left that day with instructions to get blood work done (just in case) but to prepare myself for miscarriage.  With all of our issues, I hadn't really let myself believe we were pregnant so I was sad, but I knew I would be ok.  We have been through worse, much worse.  Of course, all of this was right before our trip to FL and I was so worried because the last thing I wanted was to think about suddenly miscarrying while I was walking around Disney. 

I had my blood work done and surprisingly it came back really good.  My doctor suggested that my timing could have been off.  That is a phrase that anyone who has been through infertility thinks is a joke.  Pretty sure I know my body better than my doctor at this point and I know when things happen.   My timing was not off.  I went in the next week for an ultrasound and amazingly enough, there was a tiny baby in there with a little flicker of a heartbeat.  I was in disbelief as I looked at that screen.  The heartbeat was really low though so there were still doubts.  My doctor suspected that the heart had just started beating the night before but I had to go back in 2 weeks just to be sure everything was ok.

I went in for my third ultrasound a couple weeks later and there he/she was- all gummy bearish with a very strong heartbeat.  Everything looked great.

I just had another quick ultrasound (yes, I am only 10 weeks and have had 4 ultrasounds so far!) on Friday and everything still looked good so we finally feel confident in telling the world!  My doctor told me at this appt that I have to start believing that this baby is going to happen but with all of this drama, it is still hard for me to wrap my brain around all of this!

So, there it is.  I obviously can't have a pregnancy without drama but I am hoping that will be all we have to endure this time around.  We know we have a long road ahead of us but for now we will just take it a day at a time and be thankful for this amazing gift from God.

I am still unsure why God has chosen to bless us with another pregnancy. I instantly felt guilty thinking of all of you that I pray to be blessed with your first. Know that you are all still on my mind and I will not stop praying until you bring your baby/babies home in your arms.