Wednesday

I was catching up on my blogs this morning and I came across two that spoke of recent infant losses. One woman lost her son at 24.5 weeks and one at 40 weeks. I know thier pain and thier suffering and my heart just breaks for them. I also read this post this morning from my friend Nicole and it spoke so beautifully of all the heartache of infant loss that I had to share it with you. Hope you don't mind that I am sharing this Nicole!

The Process.
Mother's Day put me on the fast track downward, emotionally speaking. Ever since then, it's been a second by second battle with my mind. The battle of coming out on top. Coming out the victor amidst this mess of emotions that come as the cost of losing your child. Well intentioned cohorts will claim that time will lessen the pain. Any grieving mother can tell you that time does not lessen the pain. It just expands the moments of relief that come in between the moments of pain. As time goes on, there will be longer stretches of days without tears. But when the hard days come, the pain is no less than when the tragedy first occurred. The numbing, intense, sick to your stomach pain that comes at any moment when your mind becomes aware of the fact that indeed you gave birth, indeed you are a mother, and indeed, your child is dead. That's a hard fact to swallow.

Never before have I felt the "anger" that comes with grief. That is until Mother's Day. I am angry that my child is not here with me now. I am angry that we live in a sin-filled world. I am angry that more mom's face the struggle of losing a child, whether the child is lost through adoption, custody battles, or even death. There is another baby buried next to Dylan. That makes it two now. And, that makes me angry.

I know our God is a sovereign God. I know He works all things for the good of those that love Him. I know all of this. But, it doesn't make it any easier to walk through this fire.