Ups and Downs

One thing I have realized over the last month is how fast you can go from feeling up to suddenly falling down...

At about 3 o'clock yesterday I sat at my desk and suddenly felt like I had hit a wall. I looked around my desk and stared at my computer screen and realized that I was totally exhausted. My eyes felt heavy and my head felt full and I couldn't muster up the energy to type a simple email to a friend. I got home and was so thankful that a dear friend and co-worker brought us a meal because I just couldn't find the energy to get off the couch. As I went into my closet last night to figure out what I wanted to wear today (YES, I pick out my clothes the night before!) I saw the shirt that I wore the night that Alexcyn passed away and I totally fell apart. The stress of being at work for two days had finally gotten to me and my mind was flooded with thoughts of the girls and anger and guilt and so many other thoughts that I can't even type them fast enough. Poor Jason came home from running to find me sobbing on our bed. After Jason pulled me together, I tried to sleep and for the second night in a row, I laid there wide awake. I think being back to work has been a blessing and a curse because my mind is so occupied with work during the day that it goes into overdrive at night and causes me to lay awake with my thoughts.

So, I am sorry if this post is depressing and not inspirational, but I really needed everyone to know that not everyday is an up dayand that we are still in need of lots of prayers. Please pray that I am able to find the strength to get up and go to work today and that I can clear my mind of all these thoughts before I lay down so that I can finally sleep tonight.