August 18

It is hard for me to believe that it was 1 month ago today that Jason and I became parents to two beautiful baby girls. There were so many plans that I had for my girls one month birthday and none of them involved putting flowers on their gravesite. I sit here and I wonder what life would have been like if none of this would have happened. I would have been 28 weeks pregnant today. I wonder how big my stomach would have been and what maternity clothes would still be fitting me- would I have been able to see them move or stick a hand or foot against my stomach, would the nursery be ready for them? And then I wonder what if they were perfectly healthy one month olds- how many diapers would we have gone through, how many sleepless nights would we have experienced, would they be smiling and making cute baby noises and falling asleep in our arms? So, today is a hard day for me. I have such a longing for all that I dreamt our family would be and none of that is reality any more and it breaks my heart.

Little did we know that morning,

God was going to call your names,

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone,

For part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories

Your love is still our guide,

And though we cannot see you,

You are always by our side.

Our family chain is broken,

and nothing seems the same,

But as God calls us one by one,

The chain will link again.

Alexcyn and Brooke~ Your mommy and daddy love you and miss you so much. We would do anything to have you back in our arms again. We had so many plans for you. Unfortunately, the plans we had were not the same plans that God had. We may never know why God needed you with Him so soon, but we rest in knowing that you are wrapped in His arms together in Heaven.