de ja vu

minus one...... Friday it was confirmed that we are pregnant once again! It was very de ja vuish for us as we sat in that room waiting for Dr Y to come in and do an ultrasound. We were so nervous and were expecting the worst, but were pleasantly surprised when he found a baby with a tiny little heartbeat right away. He was able to focus in on it and we even got to hear it- oh, what a beautiful sound. The only difference this time was there was only one!


Ok, do you need a minute to let that set in????? I will take this opportunity to apologize for announcing this on a public blog. I realize there are some people that might be upset that we did not tell you personally. Please understand that this pregnancy is so different than last time. We are thrilled yet scared out of our minds and are trying our hardest to not make a huge deal out of it just yet.

So, here are the details.... The week we got back from Acapulco I was going to start the process of FSH injections. The first part was starting a med called Provera but before you could do that, you have to take a pregnancy test. I decided to skip the whole blood work at the hospital and just do an at home test. I can't explain to you how shocked I was to look down and see 2 of the brightest lines ever! Jason had left for work already so I took a pic with my phone and sent it to him. He instantly called me thinking it was a pic of an OPK! LOL- like I would send him a picture of that test. He was just as shocked and almost hit the car in front of him when I told him what it was. I had my blood drawn that day and then 48 hours later, and it was confirmed that I was pregnant. We were and still are unsure when it happened. Yes, you read that right... After more than 3 years of infertility, we got pregnant on our own. And actually, it was a month that we were not to be trying at all because I had just had the hysteroscopy (we got a scolding from Dr Y about that). Last week we thought it was all over because I had some heavy spotting. I was put on bed rest for 2 days and it seemed to work. That, combined with prayers from a few special "virtual" friends that knew what was going on.

So, we are 6 weeks pregnant and due in October. We realize it is extremely early to announce this to the world, but we know that it doesn't matter how long you wait because anything can happen at anytime and right now we are in need of so many prayers. Prayers that the spotting will stop completely, prayers that the baby will grow strong and healthy and prayers for our sanity as we are extremely nervous.


Meet Brooke and Alexcyn's little brother or sister....

"When I was waiting quietly for the Lord, His heart was turned to me, and He gave ear to my cry."

Psalms 40:1

Diapers

This weekend we had the pleasure of babysitting our two neices for the entire weekend. This was an adventure for us as previously we had only taken one of them overnight, spoiled her rotten and then dropped her off at her parents house. So, needless to say, we were used to be Aunt K and Uncle J that give K (age 5) candy whenever she wants, let her stay up late, let her watch endless amounts of movies... Well, we are now evil Aunt K and Uncle J that say NO to everything! She even told us we were no longer her favorite - although, I am not really sure if ever were anyways. And at the time, she was pouring water out of the tub so we didn't care!

We also were in charge of B our one and a half year old niece who ended up being an absolute angel! She went to bed without crying, almost slept through the night and wanted to cuddle on my lap the whole weekend. Now, I must say that ever since the loss of our girls, it has been difficult to be around babies. Heck, it took me 5 months to even see a pregnant woman without crying. I literally ran when I saw babies, especially girls because they reminded me of what I was missing. Well, it didn't really occur to me until it was time to change a diaper, but this was the first diaper I had changed since Alexcyn. I know it sounds funny, a 1 pound baby in a diaper? Yes, she actully had Pampers and she really soaked up quite a few of them! The memory of Jason and I sticking our arms through the holes in the incubator and hapharzardly changing the tiniest Pamper in the world rushed back to me as I changed my niece. It was a bittersweet moment and it made me miss my baby girls so much.

This is the Pamper that Alexcyn wore- well, not the actual one. The hospital gave us an extra so we could always remember changing her diaper. The larger one is a newborn Huggies that they sent in the mail. Isn't it the tiniest Pampers you have ever seen???

just another day

that we miss you......

Nursery

For years, I dreamt of the perfect nursery. I had ideas running through my head way before I was pregnant. I have never been one who enjoys the typical "baby" decorations ie... animals, disney characters, trucks, etc.... I like things simple and elegant with a touch of baby. Does that make sense??? Recently, a friend posted pictures of her nursery. She lost her son almost a year ago and is in the process of adopting and had to have the nursery ready for the call at any time. I was so envious. All of the ideas I had and all of the things I had bought, were shoved in the closet the night we came home from the hospital and have remained there ever since. I never got to share their nursery with Brooke and Alexcyn or anyone else. Seeing as it has been 6 months and my heart is healing, I decided to open up that closet and dive in so that I could share the nursery that would have been with all of you. So, needless to say, this post will require a little imagination but will hopefully you will get the idea and enjoy Brooke and Alexcyn's nursery that would have been....

The nursery was going to be in our second bedroom which is upstairs right next to our bedrooom. It is currently our guest bedroom.

It is already painted a blue color and I was planning on leaving it that color. I know, I know, blue for a girls room???? Yes, I loved the color, and as I stated before, I don't like the typical baby things- I like to be a little different! So, this is the color of the walls.....



In June, this room looked a lot different than it does now. Our basement had flooded and all of the furniture from downstairs (desk, chair, couch, etc...) had been brought upstairs and shoved in that room until we had the basement fixed. At that same time, we had purchased our cribs. They were in stock but because we had nowhere to put them, the store kept them in their warehouse until we were able to get them. That ended up being such a blessing because the store refunded our money since they still had the cribs at their warehouse.

I spent hours trying to find the right bedding. I waited patiently (or not so patiently...) to find out the sex of the babies so that I could finalize my decision. I had found one that I loved at PB Kids and the day I found out they were girls, I ordered a pillow case from the set to make sure it was a good match. I LOVED IT!

It perfectly tied in the blue walls and the pink and green accents that I was planning.

I had been searching for an old dresser that I could restore into a shabby chic look and put in the nursery to use as a dresser and changing table on top. I also had plans to purchase a comfy rocking chair with a small table to put beside the chair for bottles in the middle of the night, etc...

As for accessories, I had plans for pink and green polka dots, white shelves with pink and green picture frames on the walls, a chandelier for a light in the middle of the room and two verses from one of my favorite songs were going to be painted across the top of two walls. I am not sharing that one with you just in case I get the chance to actually put this nursery together someday- I have to leave something as a surprise!

Close your eyes and you can almost picture it, isn't it beautiful! Brooke and Alexcyn~ I know you would have loved your nursery just as much as we loved planning it.

I've been tagged...

The rules: 1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. 3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.


1. I was born in California then moved to New Hampshire (I think, I was only a baby and we only stayed a few months, it was too cold), then I moved to Georgia, Indiana and Michigan.
2. I have a 20 pound cat named Jasper that I like to dress up in funny hats. My favorite is his sombrero- he doesn't think it is fun at all though. This is evidence that I desperately need a child to dress up!!
3. I am very claustrophobic.
4. Especially when I lock the door to a bathroom. I get kinda panicky that I will get locked in. I have been known to stop drinking water the day before I fly just to avoid the airplane bathrooms. I think this stems from being locked in a bathroom with Jenny H as a small child! Do you remember that Jenny????
5. I am supposed to wear glasses to see things in the distance, but I never wear them.
6. I hate driving. Mainly because I have to wear my glasses to drive and I hate wearing my glasses. Most of my friends have accepted this about me and just know to pick me up!
7. I love sweets. Anything chocolate and in cookie, cake, cupcake form is my favorite.
8. But, I HATE pie and ice cream cake. Can't stand crust on anything and why ruin a cake by freezing it and taking all the moisture out of it??
9. I sleep every night with a beautiful white blanket that Jason's grandma made for us years ago to give to our baby one day. We had Alexcyn wrapped in it in the NICU and it still smells like our sweet baby girl.
10. I don't know how I would have survived this tragedy without my faith and trust in God. I swear some days it was the only thing that kept me going.

All right, enough about me. Time for you all to tell me about yourself! I am tagging........

Kellie- private blog, sorry no link!
Katie
Nicole
Rebekah
Kim
Empy Arms
Daddys dream, Mommys miracle

Paradise!

Our trip to Acapulco was amazing! It was one of the best vacations ever because we did nothing but relax, destress and refresh our bodies and minds for the new year.

We floated in the lazy river....

We took long walks on the beach....

We ate amazing food- this is Manuel at Linda Vista making our ceasar salad from scratch...

We watched amazing sunsets from our balcony every night...

We spent every day swimming in one of the longest pools in Latin America....

We wanted to stay forever!!!!

It is sad to be back here, but I have to say that it was great to come home to 55 degree temps yesterday considering we left Chicago at 4 degrees! We feel so refreshed and ready to face 2009 and all the possibilities and adventures it has in store for us!

5 years Ago

5 years ago this week, we were preparing for our wedding. That is right, we got married in Michigan in January! Many family members laughed at the idea, but it was my dream to have a winter wonderland wedding. And, why not have an anniversary in January???? That means you always have a great excuse to get away to someplace nice and warm!

When we first saw each other before the ceremony!

My cousin Mike and our guests sang Shine on Us as a prayer over us

That snowy day in January, I married my best friend. I had so many thoughts and dreams as to what our lives would look like after 5 years. Needless to say, it didn't look like this!!! But, through the trials and struggles of the last 3 years, I can say that our love has only grown stronger. We have leaned on each other and God and have become closer than I ever thought possible. We refuse to let infertility and infant loss get the best of us. Now, we are headed to Acapulco to celebrate that love (and my birthday) in 90 degree weather on the beach with a pina colada in our hands!!

Happy Anniversary to us!

* I added Shine On Us as the first song to play when you open up my blog. It is the only version on the playlist website and it cuts out early, but it is a great song and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!