FAQs # 2

It is kinda wierd to think I started this blog with a FAQ post about our pregnancy and all the plans we had for our twins and our lives come November. 6 months later, here I am with another FAQ post. Unfortunately, this time around it is about how we are handling life now that our pregnancy has ended and all of our plans for our lives come November don't really matter anymore.

Below is a list of the questions that I have been asked a lot lately. I thought I would share the answers with everyone since you may all be wondering the same things.

*First and foremost- how was the cottage? It was ok. The first few days were tough. We were blessed to be surrounded by a wonderful family that cares so much for us and is crying right along with us. Jason pretty much loved being there because he was able to hang out with all the kids and that is where he finds comfort. I had a more difficult time because I had so many thoughts and dreams about how fun the cottage would be this year- I just bought a fun new maternity bathing suit that I never got to wear, I had dreams of going shopping at some of the stores up there that carry the cutest baby clothes and accesories and instead I had to go there for some retail therapy since my summer clothes are mostly maternity. I dreamt about planning my baby shower with the girls while we were all together and instead I had to think about planning a trip to look at headstones for our girls gravesite. So, the week was full of ups and downs but we survived and ultimately are glad that we went.

*When do you go back to work? Today is Jason's first day back to work- Monday will be mine.

*Are you ready to go back to work? NO! I don't know if I will ever feel ready though. I even had my cousin and aunt offer to go into work for me- thanks Heidi and Shari! I am not sure how to go back to a normal life after all of this. I know that I can barely function right now and am not sure how that is going to change by Monday.

*What can we do for you? So far, we have been blessed with flowers, cards, wonderful meals, desserts and gifts to remember Brooke and Alexcyn. At this time, what we really need are prayers. As the reality sets in and we are forced to go back to work and what used to be normal life, we are faced with so many emotions and we need to know that people are still out there lifting us up with prayer so that we can get through this.

*How do you want us to act around you? This one is easy to answer- please don't act like nothing happened. The worst feeling to have is that everyone has already forgotten and moved on. As time goes on, we get less emails, cards, etc.. and we expect that, but please don't forget to mention it from time to time because we will never forget and most likely it is constantly on our minds.


*Who can we give donations to in honor of the girls? We didn't get a chance to put it in the obituary, but if someone would like to make a donation, we are asking that they go to Helen DeVos Childrens Hospital Capital Campaign aka building fund. The doctors, nurses, and all staff members were so gracious to us and we are still receiiving gifts and cards from them. They truly are an amazing group of people and I believe our experience with Alexcyn would have been totally different had we not been blessed with such caring people in the Neonatal unit. Spectrum is currently in the process of adding on to the Neonatal unit- that addition would allow parents to be closer to their babies 24/7 and that is something we would have liked while we were there. https://donate.spectrum-health.org/NetCommunity/SSLPage.aspx?pid=206


*Are you going to try for more children? Yes. We long to hold a child of our own in our arms and we are not ready to give up that dream yet. Obviously there are a lot of factors involved in this but we have HOPE that we will be able to conceive another child and are just praying for a miracle- a child that would be conceived naturally.

*What specifically can we pray for?
Pray that with each passing day we are filled with peace about what happened and peace about what the future holds for us.

Pray that I am able to find a way to face the outside world and all the pregnant women that seem to surround me right now. The last few days I was doing really well and then after a trip to Target (or baby land as I refer to it) I totally lost it.

Pray that as we go back to work and everything that used to be normal in a day, we can find support from co-workers and friends. Returning to what was normal as of July 15 is going to be difficult- our lives have been changed forever.

Pray that as we think about the possibility of other children we are filled with HOPE and not fear and that we would be blessed with a miracle child who was conceived without any assistance.

And finally, pray for our families. They are also grieiving the loss of their granchildren, nieces and cousins and they need to constantly be lifted up in prayer as well.

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD" (Psalm 31:24).

Wind...

Jason and I went out to the gravesite yesterday, a week after we buried Brooke and Alexcyn. We had been out of town a few days so it was the first time we had returned to the cemetery. I was having a pretty good few days until yesterday when I spoke to my dr and found out that I am not supposed to be swimming for 6 weeks. I know it is the silliest thing, but I totally lost it because this is something that wouldn't even matter if I had my girls at home with me. Anyways, I knew a trip to the cemetery would be good to bring me back to what was really important and was it ever. I titled this post Wind... because of a quote from one of my favorite chick flicks- A Walk to Remember. It goes like this, "Love is like the wind, you can not see it but you can always feel it." Each time we have been to the gravesite there has been a calming wind that is blowing the beautiful tree that overlooks the girls. It was a hot day outside yesterday and there was no breeze once you stepped away from that area- the only thing I could think was that Brooke and Alexcyn wanted us to feel that wind so that we knew they were there even though we couldn't hold them in our arms. Below is a picture of the gravesite. The area they are in is called stadium view because it overlooks Hope stadium-I always wanted my girls to go to Hope! There is really nothing there yet because we have not picked out a gravestone, but I wanted you all to see what a beautiful place it is.

I have also added a picture of a bench that our family got us to remember Brooke and Alexcyn. We put it in our backyard so everytime we look out our kitchen window we see it and think of them.

We are headed out tomorrow for the annual Schrotenboer family cottage week. This is the first time we will be away with others. I know that we will be surrounded by family that loves us and cares for us but it is still an anxious time for me as I haven't been around a lot of people at one time since all this happened. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through this week.

Where is God?

There have been many times over the last few days and weeks that I have wondered where God is through all of this. I have to say that it doesn't take long for me to realize that He was and still is here and He is holding us in His arms. I look back to when this all began over two weeks ago now and I see evidence that God was there watching over us. Last Wednesday morning I had been cleaning out a drawer and found a card from my OBGYNs office and instead of throwing it away I had set it on the counter. That combined with the fact that I had also left the phone in the bathroom (Jason's biggest pet peave of mine- I always leave the phone in random places) was almost too coincidental considering I had all the resources I needed right beside me once my water broke. I also had plans that night to go out to ice cream with a dear friend. I was feeling tired that night and had called to cancel- my water broke right when I would have been standing at Kilwins. I really think that God was nugding me to call and cancel because He knew I would need to be at home when this happened. I also know that God was present when our nurses were chosen at Spectrum because they were all so amazing and they continue to be amazing as we receive cards and packages from them. And last but certainly not least, God has put so many wonderful and supportive friends and family in our lives. We could not be surviving this without all of you.

On another subject, I added a few new songs to our playlist. Glory Baby is a song that was given to me by my sister in law when we had our miscarriage last year. It is a very special song and I hope that you all find comfort in it like I have. Praise You In This Storm is a song that I hold very close to my heart- it was the song that helped me through so many tough times during our struggles with infertility. It was a great reminder when I was feeling down that even though we were in the middle of a "storm", we needed to remember that God was in control and that every tear we cried He held in His hands.

K

Prayers

At times, lifes path seems filled with things that make the going rough and we wish there were a smoother road for we feel we've had enough... But, if we pause a moment and remember Who's in charge, the hills that loom ahead of us no longer seem so large and every rock before us when we know we're not alone, becomes not just a stumbling block but one more stepping stone.

Emily Matthews

We now know just how many people are out there praying for us because the prayer pager has been buzzing 24-7! The last few days have been full of difficult moments and you seem to know exactly when those are because the pager starts going. We find such comfort and peace knowing that so many people are out there supporting and praying for us as we grieve our little girls. Please keep the prayers coming as each day brings different emotions and pains and sometimes it is hard to imagine that this pain is ever going to go away.

Prayer Pager

We wanted to let everyone know that our church has given us the prayer pager. If you are not from Holland, you may not know what a prayer pager is, here is a quick summary... Everytime you pray for us, Brooke or Alexcyn, you dial the prayer pager and we will get a beap (no number shows up) that lets us know that someone is praying for us. I have always felt that this was a wonderful way to let people know that others are thinking of them and we hope that you agree. Our number is 616.772.0110.

"The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God." ~Eileen Elias Freeman


Today was a very difficult day for us as we buried our two precious angels. The service was beautiful and we feel so blessed that Pastor Frank was able to deliver a message that was exactly what we were thinking and feeling. We found comfort and assurance in Frank's words and know that our girls will forever be our angels in heaven looking down on us.


On a different note, I never thought I would have to say this, but we are lucky to have a mother who works at the funeral home. She did an amazing job of taking care of everything so we didn't have to deal with it. The flowers were perfect petite pink roses and the memorial cards were so touching that I thought I would share the front cover with you.





We have also added a few pictures that we thought you might want to see. These are pictures the nurses took of us and Alexcyn before she passed. Unfortunately, we were not able to get ones of Brooke because her time with us was so limited.




Alexcyn's precious hands with ours




Saying goodbye...

One day at a time...

We believe it is only because of all the suppport, prayer and love that you all have shown us that we were able to find strength to make it through our first day home. Today was difficult as we woke up knowing that our baby girls obituary would be in the paper- a link is provided below for anyone who wants to view it. Tomorrow will be even harder as we prepare for their graveside service. We know that everyone wants to know what they can do to help us and the only thing we can think of is to shower us with prayers of peace. And please remember our families need prayers too as they are also struggling through this tragedy just as much as we are.



http://www.hollandsentinel.com/announcements_obits/x469164874/Brooke-and-Alexcyn-Schrotenboer-Infants